DWP prompt: my own little rain cloud

GOODBYE, MARVIN

I saw your note last night when I came home: brief and to the point.

"been wanting to say i'm moving out; so today is my last day here. sorry, would've given more notice but just can't find the opp. i've removed much of my stuff, whatever i've left, keep if you want, discard if you don't. know that i've always wished we'd work out. but some things just won't. marvin"

I cried, both from sadness and relief. Sadness that we reached the point when we could no longer talk to each other and you had to say your goodbye on a small piece of paper. Relief that at last I am free of you and I didn't have to be the one to say goodbye.

The last several weeks, I'd wake up and seemed that the sky was always gray. I'd force myself to enjoy the sunshine and mild temperatures but you'd come to mind and it's like a bucket of cold water had been poured on me. I had been wanting to tell you to move out or I would, but I don't know if it's dread or pity or just plain hate, but I just took all opportunities not to have to look at you or talk with you.

The few times we had managed to make love (only out of physical need was the only explanation in my mind) you cooed at me when you noticed I was crying, thinking it was my expression of pleasure, when in fact what I wanted was to push you away. If you had noticed, I no longer open my mouth when you kiss me. Only the need to gratify the physical desires made me move my body in rhythm with yours. I cried because the act had become meaningless and I dread having the urge again to be loved by you. I know your style, your moves, your whispers, your touch, which now I all dread.

We had grown so far apart we can't reach each other anymore. And in the end, I had no more desire to reach you. I stopped talking because I couldn't pretend any longer. I didn't want you to think that anything about you still meant anything to me. I wanted you to leave me, to leave me alone.

And now you had left. I sat by the window and watched the almost horizontal rain as it pelted onto the glass pane. But the weatherman had said the rain would only last until mid-morning. And so did my pain.