it's spring but the nights are still long

today wasn't so bad, unlike the last few days. today i actually had done a lot of things in the office, things i had left for when i have more time to do trivial things. of course, it helped that i spoke to you this morning. my sleep wasn't as restful as i wanted it to be, but it wasn't so bad. i even dreamed about you again.

my world is so different now, my life is so different now, than they were more than two and a half months ago. in the dead of winter, i finally came off a bad relationship that i've been wanting to get out of for a long time. and just when i was ready to go it alone, you called and my life hasn't been the same since then. two and a half months ago, i didn't think it was possible for me to still fall in love. at my age, i should be done with it. i have started to accept the fact that there was really no one for me. but you changed it. now i want you, because i love you. and i have never wanted anyone so badly the way i feel this want for you. i never believed it was possible to go back and find your true love, but you changed all my beliefs. suddenly the rules got changed because of you.

but i am so afraid that this is the love that would break me. maybe when i buried this feeling for you forty years ago, it was because i was afraid it would break me. no, not that you would hurt me, it's the love. that is probably why i couldn't really forget you all these years. i fought my destiny so hard and yet no matter, it has brought me back to you. and i learned that one can't fight destiny because it's a formidable enemy.

all these years, whether i was happy or sad, i would remember you and those few times you spoke to me. or the few times you looked and smiled at me; the out-of-nowhere conversations. i knew there was something in your eyes that i wanted to see but i was so afraid to know. all these i regret not having done anything about it. there was even a time i had let myself get lost in the imagination of what could have been had we been together. i sometimes wish i was more gustsy then. but then high grades were easy to accomplish than getting the varsity team's star. at the time, getting a heartbreak was not an option for me.

but i know all that is in the past. i know what matters now is the here and now. the here and now that raised more questions. aren't our lives exciting? we find each other again at this crossroad and we are still uncertain as to where we are going.

but i know one thing for sure. i love you and i'm so happy everytime you say you love me. it makes my life complete.

take care of yourself and i'll do the same here, for us. i love you.