at the dance

Lovestruck.

Yes, Benjamin and I were lovestruck. The mere thought of him, his face, his eyes, his smile, always made me feel light-headed. The mere sight of him made my heart beat fast. I loved it when the girls stared at us, both of us acting very cool about it and yet we knew how there's a raging fire inside us. When we were alone, all we'd do for the first five minutes was smile and stare at each other while we held hands. Everyday he would write on my notebook his "quote of the day" - C, what have you done to me? or I'm crazy about you. or Were you thinking of me last night? That's probably why I couldn't sleep.

There was a dance at the college and he picked me up from home. For days, I imagined us dancing and I was in a quandry whether I'd do the "discotheque" style for slow dance (both arms around his neck) or not. I wore a cotton sheath dress with purple crocus prints and white puff sleeves that my mother sewed by hand because she could no longer use the sewing machine.

We took a taxi to Dewey Boulevard and walked hand in hand along the boardwalk. At a point where there were only a few couples walking by, we stopped. He put my arms around his waist and holding the back of my head with one hand, my chin with the other, he kissed me. My knees felt like noodles. When writers wrote that you see stars in your first kiss, it was true. Well, because it happened that it was a clear, moonless night that night and all you can see above were stars.

Benjamin of course wasn't my first kiss. The year before I met him, I was dating my first boyfriend, Bob, and he gave me my first kiss. In that first kiss, I anticipated the "sweetness" I've so often read about first kisses and I was so disappointed that there was no sweetness at all. I was literally looking for the sweetness that was never there. Several years after that, an older friend, Tammy, told me that it was the intensity of the emotion that determines the degree of a relationship. She said that my first love was actually Benjamin even though my first boyfriend was Bob.

Benjamin and I sat on a concrete bench, staring at the stars, enjoying the early evening breeze, listening to the waves of Manila Bay as they hit the rocks at the breakwater, talking about the news, our classes and our educational plans. At eight, we decided we should show up at the dance.

We went straight for the dance floor. I couldn't remember what song was playing because Benjamin was singing "The Way You Look Tonight" while we danced under the stars in the school quadrangle. He did so just loud enough so I could hear him. While we were lost so deep in our la-la land, another couple bumped into us. Intentionally.

It was Danny and Mila. Danny asked to make a switch. It was my first and last dance with Benjamin because from then on, we got passed on to other partners. We only had a few men in our group of friends so I got off the dance floor while Benjamin did the "obligatory" dance with the girls. But the whole time he was dancing with and talking to them, he was staring at me and I was watching him. At the first opportunity, he grabbed my hand and we left the school dance.