the cover

Neither Benjamin nor I formally told our friends that we were dating. We went about our normal ways. At least for a few days. Then one afternoon, E.S. confronted me.

"Are you Ben's steady?" she asked.

I sat alone in a vacant classroom, going over my Accounting assignments. I looked up from reading my notes, wrinkled my nose, and asked back, "Why do you ask me this?"

"Gloria told me she saw you together Tuesday night. Ben missed their subject, and when everyone one else were leaving, the two of your were just coming in."

"Gloria is a very malicious person." And had been very vocal about having a crush on Benjamin. I'd seen her throw herself onto Benjamin, always clinging to his arms, to everyone's annoyance.

"And Ben is always talking to you, and he's always walking you to the jeepney station."

"And Ben is always talking to you and the rest of the group, and he's always eating with you, and going out with you to drink. Does that make you his steady?" I shot back at E.S. with an even voice, then I went back to my notes.

"I thought we are friends," E.S. said, shaking her head, looking hurt.

"We are. But why does it matter so much that Ben and I are going steady, as you say. We are all friends in this group. However, my personal life and Ben's personal life, and your personal life, and Danny's personal life, are none of our business."

E.S. leaned on the back of the chair in front of me. "So, if we are friends, tell me, and I won't ask again: are you and Ben?"

I closed my notes and gave a sigh of exasperation. I felt clammy. To me, suddenly, things had become complicated. Before all this, the group was trying to match Benjamin with Debbie, who had a steady boyfriend in the first place. Lately, Debbie seemed to be into Benjamin. And from the group's conversation, it's only a matter of time and Debbie will give in. Benjamin had told me he was just playing along with the group, but no, he was not interested in Debbie. He got in with the group because of me. But Danny who had been with the group well before he did, had a big crush on me and asked Benjamin to be his "bridge". I was only in this group because of my brother Erick. Then my friend Mila got in with the group because we were always together, which was a blessing for her because Danny was her type.

"Are you and Ben?" she asked again.

I leaned back on my chair, lifted my feet onto another, cupped my forehead with one hand, and smiled at her as I shook my head.

Just then, Benjamin appeared. "How come you're here, girls? They're looking for you downstairs."

E.S. grinned. "Are you two...?" she pointed an index finger back and forth at me and Benjamin.

Benjamin gave her a hearty chuckle. "What is this, a third degree?" E.S. laughed.

Benjamin opened his notebook and handed it to me before sitting down. "Can you read this and tell me if it's good enough?" Then he turned to E.S. "I did my assignment at lunchtime. I didn't even know we had one until Debbie called me at the store."

I saw the words C, I love you at the bottom of the page. I felt the blood rushing in my face. As I read his assignment, Benjamin stretched his arms which gave him an excuse to leave one arm resting on the back of my chair. "I'm hungry, let's go to the canteen."

E.S. made a move towards the door, "Okay, I give up!"

Benjamin stood up and followed. "What do you want to eat?" he asked me. I ignored him.

A few minutes after they had left, Mila came. "Danny sent me here to speak to you."

"About what?" I asked.

"The mystery girl they're talking about, I know who she is," Mila said in a low voice.

"Ah, so there is a mystery girl!"

"Yes, but Danny said that's you. Ben doesn't know how Erick would react when he finds out about you and Ben, so for now, he and Danny are tricking the group. I think Ben and Danny are going for a drink with Erick later on and Ben will tell him about the two of you." She paused, then, "Do you think your brother would disappove? Ben is wary he might think he just used him."

"But they were already friends before I met Benjamin." I said.

Ben had come back, a bottle of Coke in one hand and a sandwich in the other, and two straws.

"I told them," he said as he sat on the chair beside me.

"Huh?"

"I told them about us, but I said to keep it quiet until I talk to Erick tonight. Danny and I are having drinks with him." He waited for me to say something. I knew my face was all red. "Is that okay?" he asked when I didn't say anything, then caressed my hair. "I just want everyone to know how lucky I am."

I circled the C, I love you written on the page of his notes. He took a pen and drew a heart around the circle.